Walking Noelle

I just wanted to quickly share the video and a picture of Noelle walking. (I finally got them!!)

Noelle's First Birthday

Well, I almost don't know how to start this one. Today was Noelle's first birthday. This time last year, she was only a couple of hours old. Bear with me as I reminisce for a little bit.

We were told a week earlier that I would have to be induced the following week if Noelle didn't come on her own. That would make me exactly 37 weeks. I had been anticipating this event for 9 months. I went in to my appointment on July 5th. After a procedure that was supposed to help me start (which I won't give the gruesome details) "worked too well" (as my OB told me) I was sent straight to the hospital. It was about 6 pm when I was admitted. They started the Pitocin and shortly after I had my epidural. They broke my water at about 8 pm. The night crawled while my anxiety level heightened. I was convinced that she would come by midnight. Well needless to say, about 7 pm the next night, and she still hadn't come. I was 90% effaced and still only at a 4 1/2. My OB suggested that I opt for a c-section, because I hadn't made any progress for hours, and my water had been broken for almost 24. (Which leaves you at a higher risk for infection) So, much to my dismay, I agreed to the c-section. After 26 hours of labor, they rolled me into the OR. I was shaking horribly because I was so nervous. And the worst part, I felt the incision, so they increased my epidural and gave me some oxygen. (At least I think it was oxygen, never did find out for sure) I almost fell asleep. After it was over, they showed me my baby and closed me up. I remember seeing her for the first time in the OR. Throughout my pregnancy, I felt like I grew to know my baby so well. For some reason, I thought this meant I would recognize her. It was strange when I looked at her and realized I didn't recognize her at all. She had pitch black hair and looked as if she had a tan. I had to force my eyes open when they were rolling me back to my room. Whatever the reason, I was exhausted and couldn't keep them open for the life of me. James remembers me snoring even though I was awake. They handed me Noelle. I couldn't understand how something so small and lightweight could be so big and heavy in utero. It was official, I was a mother. She was the most beautiful thing I've ever laid my eyes on. There IS such thing as love at first sight. I can testify of that, first hand. She was born July 6th, 2007. She was a whopping 8 lbs. 7 oz. and 20 in. even though she was 3 weeks early.

This year has been so incredible. It's been so life changing. I have felt stress, frustration, fear, wonderment, compassion and love on levels I've never felt before. I've decided to never have any more children. Then I decided that I would. I decided I couldn't wait to have another child. Then I decided I was going to wait several years. Then I came to a compromise with myself of somewhere in between. There were things I swore I would never do or things I swore I was going to do, on how I was going to raise my baby. Then I realized I had put my foot in my mouth. I can say without hesitation, that I'm a completely different person than I was a year ago. Noelle has taught me so much. I just hope I can teach her a few things too. As my delivery nurse told me right before I gave birth, "They survive in spite of us, not because of us". That line has helped me get through many tough days. It helped relieve some of the stress in hoping that I wouldn't screw her up with my mistakes as a learning mother.

I am not as apprehensive anymore. I am excited to see what the future holds for us. I am sure this year will be as amazing as the last. This time, next year, Noelle will be running around and throwing us some major sass. And then I'll swear off children again....and then I'll change my mind....again.

Today, we went to Castle Heights Park where our family and friends joined us for dinner. We thought it went really well and enjoyed everyone's company. We are so grateful for our family that has always gone beyond their callings and really have spoiled us. It was so much fun to celebrate this day with them. I am not sure this day could have been anymore perfect.